id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize