Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
