i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
