I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
