dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
