she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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