The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
