You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i've created a new STD.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
