I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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