All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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