Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
