omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
