it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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