Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
