I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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