I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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