dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
