Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
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is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
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My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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