I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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