Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
