i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
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So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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