His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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