Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
