TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
