i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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