as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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