is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
