I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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