my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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