dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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