OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
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ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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