I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
