She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I need water and some morals
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
