i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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