No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
