I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
