Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
