just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
