Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
sarcasm needs its own font
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
