My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
