He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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