Fuck appropriateness.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
