the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
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yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
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Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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