Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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