I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
