Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
