And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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