You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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