why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
