New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
