i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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