my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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