making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
