Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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