My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
