Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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