So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
