apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
