Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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