I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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