On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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