they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
