I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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