The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
