I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
