so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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