its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
