i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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