He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
